Redefining the male experience with positive masculinity club
By Brittney Haldorsen ‘25
Graphic by Brittney Haldorsen
Picture this: A group of young men coming together to redefine what it means to be a man in today's world. This is the essence of the Positive Masculinity Club at Catlin Gabel School (CGS). Founded with the vision of challenging societal norms and promoting healthy masculinity, this club has been making waves by creating a safe space for open discussions.
The club's journey began when Chris Mateer, an Upper School Art teacher, Tyler Reuter the Associate Director of Athletics, and John Harnetiaux the Upper School Dean of Students, got together during the Diversity Summit of 2022.
Mateer said “there was just a meeting of wanting to have a positive masculinity group….. We had a handful of meetings and all of these guys came to the meetings and it was pretty powerful because it was people from all ages and all different kinds of boys.”
After the club was first introduced at Diversity Summit, they became less popular because there were no student leaders to take charge. Harnetiaux, Reuter, and Mateer sent out an email wondering if people would be interested in leading the Positive Masculinity Club.
Junior Owen Caughey responded, “I think I’d lead it.” He continued, “I asked [Junior] Ben Bergstrom and [Junior] Riley Nordhoff and they said they would be happy to lead it as well.” Caughey expressed that he didn’t have a club where he was involved and was curious about ways he might better the CGS community.
In an interview, Reuter mentioned, “We noticed a growing need for conversations around masculinity in the athletics realm and throughout the school campus.” It became clear to him and the other club members that there was a lack of spaces where young males could openly discuss and explore their identities.
These club leaders recognized the need for a platform that celebrates positive masculinity. They saw the harmful effects of toxic masculinity like how “it can lead to more violence against women, as men may feel entitled or validated in their abusive behavior. Unhealthy masculinity is also incredibly detrimental to men.”
With their shared passion and determination, they brought the Positive Masculinity Club to life.
In each meeting, the club members dive into thought-provoking topics, guided by their dedicated student leaders. They start by sending out reminders to ensure everyone is on board. Then, armed with slide decks and a thirst for knowledge, they engage in meaningful conversations that explore different aspects of masculinity.
In one of the recent meetings, they focused on a concept that challenges traditional notions of masculinity. In an interview with Nordhoff, he stated “last time we did a Jubilee spectrum, we had a prompt relating to masculinity, and then we asked people to move from agree to disagree, and then we asked them to share why they feel this way.”
When the club is not meeting, every other week, the club advisors and student leaders meet to bounce ideas off each other. “We aim to create a positive understanding of masculinity, one that encourages empathy, respect, and emotional intelligence. It's about breaking free from the stereotypes and embracing our authentic selves.” Reuter expressed.
The club has a goal to help its members develop their social and emotional capacities without the constraints of what Mateer calls the "man box."
"Through open discussions, we encourage individuals to reflect on who they want to be as people, rather than conforming to societal stereotypes," shared Reuter. This fosters a sense of positive masculinity and allows individuals to express themselves authentically. Conversations like these promote self-discovery and personal growth.
One of the club members anonymously shared his perspective saying “it feels like a safe space to share my ideas and a new opportunity to have fun…..I've gained a new group of people to talk to about things I'm not always comfortable with.”
Some people might refer to this club as a “Boys to Men club” or the “boys club” but in reality, this club is a space for boys and male-identifying individuals to come together and discuss the societal pressures and expectations placed upon them.
Mateer commented “one thing that's been positive about this group is we are pushing against that assumption of what the club should be, it's not a sports club. It's not like everyone's in there being like Jack go and do push-ups, it's not about testosterone. It is framed about, wow, society has these expectations for what we can be or should be. How do we feel about that? Having a space that allows for vulnerability and honesty.”
Another club member said, “I was pleasantly surprised… I expected lighter conversations but we talked about really interesting things.”
By promoting positive masculinity, CGS is fostering a community that celebrates individuality and encourages young males to embrace their authentic selves. Reuter and Mateer both expressed that the impact of the club extends beyond its members, influencing the broader school community and promoting a more inclusive understanding of masculinity.
With each meeting, the Positive Masculinity Club endeavors to make a difference, by challenging one stereotype one topic at a time.