A letter to the CGS Asian American Pacific Islander community
By Alyssa Zhang ‘20
Image by Monyee Chau, a Taiwanese/Chinese artist based in Seattle, Washington.
My dearest CGS Asian American Pacific Islander (AAPI) community,
As I get ready to leave the Catlin Gabel School (CGS) bubble, I am thinking more about what it means to be Asian in America and realizing that, though most teens our age tend to roll their eyes at “community” or “diversity,” it makes a tremendous difference in a world where not everyone thinks like you and where being nice to each other is no longer a given. I want to thank you, whether you’ve stuck by AAPI Affinity to the end or are still working up the courage to come. Without the support I felt in seeing faces like mine and speaking to people who share similar experiences, I wouldn’t be me.
In my four years with you, I learned that being an activist is extremely hard, more so as an East Asian American female at Catlin Gabel. I remember my shadow day as if it were just yesterday. Coming from a school where racist and homophobic jokes were considered normal and okay, I wanted a community where I would be accepted, no matter the color of my skin, the shape of my eyes, whom I love, and what causes I want to champion. I found physical acceptance within CGS but I still feel that activism is scorned, that “diversity kid” is as bad an insult as “dog eater.”
Now, the news is inundated with names of people killed just for being Black, at least six people in this month alone. I am ashamed and sorry to say that I only started thinking about what it truly means to be Asian in America, especially an Asian American ally, after I saw Officer Chauvin’s colleague, Tou Thao, an Asian man, do nothing as he watched his white coworker kill George Floyd, a Black man.
How many times have I been like that Asian police officer? Too many. Why is it so hard to not be? The model minority myth.
Since I was little, my parents taught me that they were successful because they took what they were given lying down, refusing to participate in activism and sometimes even civil engagement. I understand why they chose that. It feels like you can never win. Sometimes I feel that too. For most of my life I lived the passive model minority stereotype, afraid a simple hashtag would ruin my Instagram aesthetic or the reputation I had at a school where eye-rolling made it even harder to speak.
I did not know my silence and your silence could mean death for someone else. I know that it is hard to care when it wasn’t my friend or relative. I know that it is hard to care when it feels like I could live as a white person simply because being a model minority makes me honorarily white to others, but I am not white nor will I ever be (and neither will you). Thus, the conundrum of the model minority myth. However, this isn’t the time or place to play Oppression Olympics (there’s never a time or place to do that). Rather, I hope that our own unique experiences of racism will foster empathy and drive to understand even though we will never understand what it is like to be Black in America.
I hope the CG AAPI will actively consider our history in contributing to the oppression of Black people and work actively to dismantle the stereotypes that have been a roadblock in cross-cultural allyship. Truly, as Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, injustice for one means justice for no one. We all have a role to play here in making CGS and the rest of the nation a more accepting and more just place to be.
I was and still am afraid to step out of the comfort of falling into a stereotype, but if it means saving a life in the distant future, I’ll do it. If it makes being Asian and loud more okay every day, I’ll do it. If it means giving up the comfort that was built by pitting AAPIs against other people of color, I’ll do it, and if it means making “diversity kid” something to be proud of at CG, I’ll do it. You should too. :)
Thank you for everything you’ve done for me,
Alyssa Zhang
P.S. Slacktivism isn’t activism!!! Simply posting #BLM on an Instagram or Snapchat story is great, but it’s not enough! There are so many petitions you could sign and places you could donate to make tangible change. One of my friends made a Google Doc with a comprehensive list of such resources. Please check it out! You don’t even have to sign with your full name; your initials will do.
