Lying can represent a positive growth in children’s cognitive development
By Neha Myneni ‘21
A seemingly perfect kid with a Pinocchio nose. Photo by Eve Cody ‘21.
We’ve all been subject to a three-year-old who believes that they can get away with sneaking a cookie, even when their hands and mouth are littered with crumbs. “I didn’t take the cookie,” they swear. “I was in my room the entire time!” Parents are typically angry and disappointed in their young children, reprimanding them and promising harsher punishment the next time they would dare to lie. However, the majority of kids continue to do so.
There was a study done by Professor Kang Lee at the University of Toronto, where young children (ages two-four) were placed in front of a toy and promised a reward if they guessed it correctly. The child was then left alone in the room with a hidden camera. Then, the researcher returned and asked if the child peeked at the toy, giving them a choice to lie or tell the truth. The results, mentioned by The Wall Street Journal, are staggering.
“At age 2, about a quarter of children will lie and say they didn't. By 3, half of kids will lie, and by 4, that figure is 90%....”
Stephen Grant, the counselor in the Beginning and Lower School at Catlin Gabel School, believes that lying is to be expected in children.
“I do think that it [lying] is a pretty normal thing for kids to experiment with different versions of the truth,” said Grant.
So, it’s clear that children lie and that it should be expected. However, would it be surprising to know that lying in children is, more often than not, “an important milestone in cognitive development,” according to NPR?
“When children start to lie, it means they understand that other people have different beliefs than they do…. They understand that people's beliefs do not directly reflect reality, but vary based on experience.”
So, learning to lie is a reflection of understanding the perspective of another person, which is an important step in understanding social cues. For example, telling a white lie when receiving a disliked present. It’s something most of us do, in order to not hurt the gift-giver.
However, despite its normalcy, there seems to be a much larger fear around children lying, due to a worry of the behavior becoming compulsive. While lying is a sign of cognitive development, children do still need to understand morality and honesty.
To help children understand this concept, an interview in NPR with Po Bronson, a writer with New York magazine discusses an approach to take.
“Avoid entrapping your kids in lies. The wisdom there is not to increase the punishment or the threat of punishment when a kid lies, to actually really teach the importance of honesty.”
Grant gives some advice on the topic as well.
“I advise parents to manage their emotional response, to try to stay emotionally in control,” he said. “[I] help [parents] to have some insight into why their children have chosen to be dishonest.”
Young children are going to lie. It’s a phase in their cognitive development that needs to be better understood. However, a calm but appropriate reaction to dishonesty could cultivate a richer relationship between the child and the parent, establishing trust and open communication.