Teaching consent through the years at Catlin Gabel School

By Audrey Daniels ‘20

Consent is often thought of in a sexual context, and lack of teaching consent is an issue that’s often seen manifested on college campuses as seen through the “no means yes” incidents. But at Catlin Gabel School (CGS), consent is taught starting in preschool.

The health curriculum at CGS maintains that consent is important in all relationships. The curriculum spans all the way from the Beehive (the preschool) to the Upper School. Each elementary grade meets to talk about health and consent once per year, and Middle and Upper School have health classes that meet throughout the year.

CGS Head of School Tim Bazemore believes in the importance of consent education.

“I think all educators should understand what consent means, as it relates to the age group they teach, and to all students. Personal privacy, freedom from harassment and coercion, and ownership of one’s physical self are essential to learn and grow in healthy ways,” said Bazemore via email.

In regards to who should learn consent, Bazemore said that schools have an obligation to teach all students about consent, though “how and what is taught will differ based on the age and developmental stage of the students.”

Beginning and Lower School

The Beginning and Lower Schools start with teaching personal boundaries in general before going to sexual ones. Stephen Grant is the counselor for both Beginning and Lower School.

“We think about sexual abuse prevention, so they are starting to have a context for what is safe touch and what is unsafe touch,” Grant said. This is taught in the classroom and manifested through play.

Stephen Grant used to talk to kindergarteners, second graders, and fourth graders once a year about consent and healthy relationships, but now he talks to every grade preschool through fifth grade. This increase is due to an incident in the spring of 2019 with students and inappropriate sexual contact, which raised a lot of anxiety among parents. After his meeting with each grade, Grant sends information about consent to the parents and encourages them to speak with their kids about how to continue to practice these healthy boundaries at home.

Teachers in the Beehive constantly teach their students about the values of building healthy relationships since it's "what pre-K teachers do all day," said Grant.

In the lower grades, teachers call consent “permission,” and ask students questions such as “Was that okay with you?”’ and “What do you want?” during everyday activities, like projects in class and playing on the playground.

Grant noted that after the incident last year, the curriculum became more direct. The prevention efforts he teaches are designed to set the groundwork for consent at this age that build toward the curriculum in the Middle and Upper Schools.

Students begin to hear the term “consent” in third grade, and fourth and fifth graders are directly taught consent using that word. They talk about assertive behavior versus aggressive behavior, and how assertive behavior lends itself to a healthy relationship. In fifth grade, Grant uses the phrase “affirmative consent” with the students, and talks about how pressure plays into consent.

Although Grant only talks to kids about consent once a year, classroom teachers are aware of red flags to look out for– aggressive behavior, kids being quieter than usual– and Grant is usually only brought in to talk to students if it’s the second or third time that a student has had a conflict.

“Typically it’s a mediation with some coaching and some guidance,” Grant said. “Usually it’s not just one kid as a wrongdoer and one as a victim. It’s usually one kid who needs to be assertive or is indirect.”

He helps kids with emotion identification. His counseling is usually a broad social teaching moment, rather than specifically around consent.

Consent usually comes up in the Lower School relationally, in cases of kids playing with one another, such as one asking another, “Will you play on the swings with me?” If someone doesn’t know how to say no, or is afraid because someone is is too possessive, that’s where Grant comes in.

“In a healthy friendship, I’m not going to worry that you want to play with a different set of kids,” he said.

Middle School

The consent curriculum in the CGS Middle School (MS) gets more advanced with each grade, much like the Lower and Beginning School. As MS Head Ted Chen said, “[it’s] age appropriate progression.”

It begins in sixth grade with general teachings about harassment; in seventh grade it gets a little more detailed with “flirting versus hurting”, as MS Counselor Kristin Ogard said; and in eigth grade, the curriculum goes fully into consent and the law and covers sexual harassment.

“That progression is taking it from those concrete examples [as Grant said, “Will you play on the playground with me? Do you want to hang out?”] to talking about healthy relationships in general. It gets more nuanced, not just talking about sexual relationships, but healthy relationships,” Chen said.

“Kids start to learn the difference between mutual flirting at this age and when somebody is crossing that line,” Ogard said, much like teachings on assertive versus aggressive relationships in the Lower School. She believes it is their job in the MS to teach these fundamentals and help students notice those differences.

Consent in the MS also comes up in related topics, not just direct conversation.

“We have those really curricular pieces, and then there are these other related pieces, community pieces, where it gets wrapped in,” Chen said.

The sixth grade Arago trip focused on empathy, and consent played a role in their thoughts on that.

“Even through that lens of empathy, you can engage in topics of consent, and how other people are feeling when [a certain] action happens,” Chen said.

Upper School

In the Upper School (US), health is required the first two years and meets twice a rotation (every seven days) for one semester. Health 10 is the same. Bianca Nakayama, US science teacher, teaches Health 9. Casey Mills and Kate Grant, the US counselors, teach one semester each of Health 10.

In Health 9, consent is taught explicitly in at least two lessons. One of those Nakayama teaches herself, and the other one is taught by the Planned Parenthood Teen Council.The Planned Parenthood Teen Council are youth from around Portland who are “trained by Planned Parenthood Educators to do peer-to-peer sex ed,” Nakayama said. One of the acronyms used in their teaching on consent is FRIES: freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic, and specific.

The health curriculum has changed a lot since Nakayama started teaching it. At first, she was told by her supervisors to just teach the scientific portions of it.

However, Nakayama works to include relational and social emotional content in her lessons.

“We need more social emotional [teachings]. The consent part is more important that the enzymes in your digestive system,” said Nakayama.

In Health 10, Mills and Grant spend one class session each talking about consent. In his classes, Mills covers the laws, what consent is, and “the resources that we have on campus, and also within the community [for consent].”

It is important that kids at a young age learn about what consent means in any relationship, not just sexual ones. Teaching consent at a young age is fundamental to building strong future foundations.

This Laci Green video is shown in the Middle School:

The tea consent video is shown in the Middle and Upper School:

Consent for kids is shown in all divisions: