The importance of correct pronoun use

By Margot Camp, ‘23

The gender binary is a social construct that has been present in our society forever. For many, as our perception and understanding of gender identity grows, the language that we use grows with it. While you may not understand the importance of correct pronoun use, being misgendered can be a very damaging experience.

In an article from ADL, Let’s get it right, using correct pronouns and names, the author mentions that pronouns and names are key facets of our identity. 

“Because names and pronouns are the two ways people call and refer to others, they are personal and important. They are also key facets of our identity,” the article states. Therefore, calling someone by the wrong name or “misgendering” them by using incorrect pronouns can feel disrespectful, harmful and potentially unsafe.” 

Paeton Smith-Hiebert, a senior at Catlin Gabel School (CGS) emphasized the importance of using someone's correct pronouns. 

“Using the correct pronouns for someone can help them feel as though they’re being seen and accepted as who they really are…Bottom line, using someone’s correct pronouns is a sign of basic respect.” 

Just like a name, pronouns are a large part of your identity, something cisgender people can do to show their allyship to genderqueer people is to introduce themselves with their pronouns. 

“Try something like “Hi, my name is… and I use these pronouns! What about you?” This can be a good icebreaker, and it can help others feel more comfortable! Normalizing this behavior can help make it easier for people to have their correct pronouns used,” said Smith-Hiebert. 

If you aren't sure of someone's pronouns, you can always just use their name to refer to them. 

It is also important to note that pronouns can always change, and/or be different in certain contexts. Some people have not come out to certain communities and may want you to use different pronouns around different people, or in different settings.  

Understanding that sometimes you won’t get people’s pronouns right is very imperative. Although you should try your very hardest to gender people correctly, it is likely that you will slip up sometimes. Smith-Hiebert made a suggestion on what someone can do in this situation.  

“If you mess up, correct it and move on. Don’t make a massive deal about it… As long as you make a mental note and commit to doing better in the future, your peers will likely feel supported.”

Remember that not everyone will have the same preferences, some of your genderqueer peers might want one thing but that doesn’t mean your other genderqueer peers want the same thing. Always be open to being corrected about someone's gender identity, keep in mind that supporting your peers is the goal. 

“It is a privilege to not have to worry about which pronoun someone is going to use for you based on how they perceive your gender. If you have this privilege, yet fail to respect someone else’s gender identity, it is not only disrespectful and hurtful but also oppressive.” Explained the LGBTQ+ resource center at the University of Wisconsin in an article about correct pronoun use.