Unpacking the introvert experience at CGS

By Elise Song ‘20

I am quiet. I like to think before I speak. I prefer having few but strong friendships. I start to feel drained in a crowded, noisy room. I love to hang out with my friends, but I need to take some time alone to recharge.  

I am an introvert. 

Many may perceive me as shy, reserved, antisocial, frigid, and isolated. Each of these adjectives carries a negative connotation. Why is that?

The Extrovert Ideal

Susan Cain’s book “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking” outlines America’s cultural evolution at the turn of the 20th century from a “Culture of Character” to a “Culture of Personality.”

“In the Culture of Character, the ideal self was serious, disciplined, and honorable. What counted was not so much the impression one made in public as how one behaved in private. The word personality didn’t exist in English until the eighteenth century, and the idea of ‘having a good personality’ was not widespread until the twentieth,” wrote Cain.

She continues, “But when they embraced the Culture of Personality, Americans started to focus on how others perceive them. They became captivated by people who were bold and entertaining. ‘The social role demanded of all in the new Culture of Personality was that of a performer,’ [cultural historian Warren Susman] famously wrote. ‘Every American was to become a performing self.’”

This cultural evolution was closely tied to the rise of industrialism. As big business, urbanization, and advertising boomed, it became important to not only sell your products, but to also sell yourself.

Before, qualities like citizenship, duty, honor, reputation, morals, manners, and integrity were valued in the Culture of Character. It has since changed to more personality-oriented qualities like charisma, dominance, gregariousness, and magnetism. 

America’s preference towards extroverts lies even deeper in history, stemming from the American Revolution. 

“Early Americans revered actions and were suspicious of intellect, associating the life of the mind with the languid, ineffectual European aristocracy they had left behind,” Cain wrote. 

Both America’s evolution over the years and its founding attitudes contribute to what Cain calls the Extrovert Ideal. Extroverted traits are more valued over introverted qualities in our culture, which affects how introverts feel like they are able to fit into our society. The Extrovert Ideal means that we all lose out in undervaluing the different strengths of introverts.

Social Ramifications of Being an Introvert

“Our personalities also shape our social styles,” Cain wrote.

Introversion and Extroversion. Graphic by Elise Song. Source: “Quiet” by Susan Cain.

Introversion and extroversion lie on a spectrum, with few people being entirely introverted or entirely extroverted. Ambiversion is when one has a balance of introverted and extroverted qualities. 

Many can confuse shyness as introversion since the outward symptoms can look similar. 

“Shyness is the fear of social disapproval or humiliation, while introversion is a preference for environments that are not overstimulating,” wrote Cain. “Shyness is inherently painful; introversion is not.”

She describes how psychologists intersect the introversion-extroversion spectrum with the anxious-stable spectrum, resulting in four personality types: anxious introverts, calm introverts, anxious/impulsive extroverts, and calm extroverts. 

Four quadrants of personality. Graphic by Elise Song.

As shown, shyness and introversion can overlap (anxious introverts), but do not equate to each other. 

“You can be a shy extrovert, like Barbra Streisand, who has a larger-than-life personality and paralyzing stage fright; or a non-shy introvert, like Bill Gates, who by all accounts keeps to himself but is unfazed by the opinions of others,” wrote Cain.

In a culture permeated by the Extrovert Ideal, many introverts can feel socially out of place. 

Senior Luke Aitchison identifies as an introvert. 

“I think a false equivalency that a lot of people make is that they equate introversion with a lack of desire to be social,” said Aitchison. “Just because I’m an introvert doesn’t mean I dislike social interaction.”

“In fact, I really love talking to my friends and just talking to people in general,” he added. “The thing is, I get kind of tired when I’m doing that, so it’s not that I dislike it, it’s just that I can’t do it for a long time without burning out.” 

However, he continued, “humans are biologically social creatures so it stands to reason that people who are more likely to have social interaction are more highly valued by society.” 

Aitchison was also influenced by the Extrovert Ideal throughout his life. 

“I also made that false equivalency of being introverted as being bad at social things... I really like social things and I wanted to be good at them, so I was like, ‘I can’t be introverted because that’s bad.’”

Though he is proud to be an introvert, Aichison said he would rather not be known as an introvert.

“I don't care if people know that I am an introvert… but I would not like to be known as an introvert and that alone, because that has negative societal connotations,” he said.

Senior Caelyn Walton-Macauley commented on the social expectations at Catlin Gabel School (CGS). 

“Catlin values the ability to form interpersonal connections. I think the people that flourish in this kind of society are the ones who can bounce around and say ‘Hi’ to literally everyone they see and everyone knows their name and they know everyone's name.”

Walton-Macauley identifies as an ambivert. 

“[CGS] kind of forces you to be less introverted,” said Walton-Macauley. “The environment is really inclusive, it's really friendly, but it's also not really geared towards people who don't like to interact with a whole bunch of other people.”

Students find that their personality type affects not only their social life, but their learning as well.

What Does “Participation” Mean? 

At the beginning of every year in countless classes, I would find myself writing, “My goal is to speak up more and participate in discussions.” Since my first year at CGS in seventh grade, I have always been encouraged to “speak up” and “participate” by my teachers. I knew I was quiet, but I also knew that I was definitely engaged in class. My teachers could see that, but I still needed to “participate.” Defined by Merriam-Webster, participate means to “take part,” but I have since associated participating only with speaking, not listening.

This form of participation seems to be highly promoted in classes and by teachers at CGS. 

“Participation and progress is a really big part of your grade, and so if you're not participating because you're shy or introverted, then your grades are going to suffer,” said Walton-Macauley.

By including participation into student’s grades, not only do introverts struggle under the challenge, but many students will talk for the sake of talking which may pass as participation.

“Sometimes I just don't have anything worthwhile to say in class, but a large part of my grade in a lot of classes is my participation,”said Aitchison. “I just have to say something, but if I don't have anything useful to say, why would I say anything?… Sometimes I say stuff to say stuff.” 

Grading based on participation favors extroverts as they tend to be able to speak up more easily and like to speak up, while adding extra pressure on introverts to do something they don’t do naturally and be graded on it as well. 

Walton-Macauley added her perspective of what might make it more challenging for introverted students to participate in class.

“Introverted people in the classrooms have a hard time either getting chances to speak or gathering up enough courage to speak,” she said. “I think a lot of introverts struggle with worrying about saying the wrong things. I noticed that a lot of the introverts I know won't speak in class unless they know what they're saying is absolutely positively right or they believe in it a lot.”

This raises the question of a student’s level of confidence and their ability to speak up. In a study called “How Introverts versus Extroverts Approach Small-Group Argumentative Discussions,” Dr. Michael E. Nussbaum found that, “there is substantial evidence that introverts have greater levels of general inhibition, which could have made the more introverted students less confident that their ideas were true and the more extroverted students more so.”

The report continues, “That might explain why the [extroverted students] tended to advocate particular ideas and also contradicted one another more (because doing so requires self-confidence that one is right)... the view that the more introverted students were less confident in their ideas does not imply that these students were necessarily deficient in some way; it is possible that these students were often appropriately cautious in the claims they made, whereas the more extroverted students were overconfident.” 

Walton-Macauley agreed that confidence can be a factor that affects who speaks in class and who does not.

“I think the teachers here are really good about making sure everyone gets equal speaking time,” she said. “But I don't think they really understand the dynamic between people who can speak and have no qualms or hesitations about whether or not what they're saying is wrong, and the people who don't want to speak unless they know what they're saying is right.”

I find myself agreeing with Dr. Nussbaum’s findings and Walton-Macauley. For me, the hardest part of talking in class is raising my hand. As an idea occurs to me, I raise my hand and wait for the teacher to call on me. However, as time goes on, I begin to doubt my reasoning and overthink the specific words I will use. Overwhelmed and unsure, I lower my hand back to the table.

Recently, I was able to overcome my doubt and lack of confidence in my ideas. In one of my discussion-based classes, I became very passionate about the topics we were learning and couldn’t hide my emotions. My teacher picked up on this cue and spontaneously called on me. Without the time to doubt and overanalyze, I blurted out my first thought. The teacher responded with appreciation and encouragement to my contribution, and I slowly began to realize that what I said had insight and value. Here, I did not overcome my introversion. I still enjoy deep thinking and some quiet, but I gained confidence in my ideas and now, I am able to speak up in classes more freely.

I was lucky enough to have this teacher and experience to finally achieve my goal of “speaking up” and “participating.” However, not all introverts are given the support to survive and thrive in an extroverted world. 

Bias in Teaching Methods

Both Walton-Macauley and Aitchison agreed that CGS teachers want the best for their students.

“Teachers try to get everyone to talk and make sure that everyone feels included,” Aitchison said. “I feel supported by the teachers.”

CGS teachers have made efforts to support introverted students. Math teacher Kenny Nguyen has taught workshops at Diversity Summit called, “How to Survive Seminar Classes as an Introvert,” and English teacher Brett Mathes has led workshops at Oregon Episcopal School’s Culture Shock. Spurred by student activist at CGS and his wife and Jesuit High School teacher Megan Mathes’ research on introverted college students, Mathes continues as a teacher advocate for introverted students. 

Mathes makes concerted efforts in his own teaching practice to accommodate introverted students with clear communication of his expectations and mindsets.

“From the start of a class, I want students to know that I'm not drawing an equal sign between speaking, readiness, and intelligence… I also want them to set for themselves goals that make sense to them,” said Mathes. 

Mathes says inclusive teaching “comes down to the way that we structure classes and the way that we establish practices in the classroom to help all learners.”

In the same vein of helping “all learners,” Mathes commented on how our culture tends to imply quietness or introversion as a deficit.

“There’s not the same level of questioning about, ‘What can I do to help my talkative students be better listeners and actually engage in some of the quiet learning that quieter people do more intuitively?’” he said.
As introverts are pushed to “participate” in classes, extroverts should also be pushed to listen.

“Just as we want all learners to stretch their skills and do things that are less intuitive, we don’t always apply that lens because of our biases,” he said.

In a culture that favors extroverts, the Extrovert Ideal permeates learning environments and the way that teachers teach. 

“I've been teaching for 20 years and for the first 10 of those years, I don't think the thought ever crossed my mind. That's partly because of the way independent school culture works,” he said.

“When I learned how to teach, I did so by imitating other teachers,” added Mathes. “Of course, the other practices that other teachers had had the same set of biases that everything else has in the culture. And so there is this need for constant metacognitive reflection and looking for one's blindspots.”

Mathes has raised up this problem with CGS teachers in a workshop about introversion at Diversity Summit, where he said teachers were receptive to the content he shared.

“Overwhelmingly the teacher response was, ‘What can I do better? I don't want to do that. I don't want to make students feel that way.’ In fact, some of my most extroverted colleagues were ones who were the most scrupulous about ‘Wow, this is really a blindspot of mine,’” he said.

Mathes acknowledged that the work of supporting introverted students goes beyond the classroom. 

“That's the ongoing work of the school… The more we can do it as structures and processes and procedures that are embedded in the way we plan a class, the way we run a class, the way we admit people, the way we hire people, the better,” he said.

For example, Mathes has created guidelines for Parent-Teacher Conferences in November. One is to avoid language like, “This student is quiet but is a good learner.” This subconsciously implies that quietness is a deficit, which “shouldn't really be given ethical or moral connotations,” he said. 

One of his classroom methods include process observation, where a person is designated to observe the dynamic of the group and actively give opportunities to others who haven’t spoken up yet.

Mathes emphasizes “equity, not equality” in his classrooms. 

“[My students] don't necessarily need to talk as much as every other person, but they need to have a level of equity in terms of feeling like they can contribute in the way that feels right for them and in pursuing their goals,” he said.

This does not mean that participation should be completely scratched from classrooms. Teachers should realize, though, that their teaching methods may not always have introverts in mind because of the Extrovert Ideal, intentionally or not. Systems can be created to support introverts and help them to speak up in classes. 

Aitchison acknowledged the importance of learning good communication, a skill that needs to be fostered and cultivated in classes. 

 “Part of the reason that we go to school is to learn how to communicate our ideas … It doesn't matter how much you know if you can't tell other people,” he said. “So I feel like it's not unfair for the school to expect people to be good at presenting and expect you to be good at talking in class. That's part of what they're teaching us.”

Now that I’m a senior, I can say I have grown tremendously since I arrived at CGS. I feel confident that I can advocate for myself, express my opinions in a discussion, and give a strong presentation. I give credit to my teachers and classes for pushing me to refine these skills. However, it took a long time, almost five years, and a lot of practice.

As I reflect on the years, I wouldn’t take any of it back because I am so proud of how much I’ve grown. I do wish that the little voice in the back of my head hadn’t said, “There’s something wrong with you,” every time I stumbled over my words or stayed silent when my mind was bursting with ideas. 

Still, I am fiercely proud to be an introvert. I love the way my brain works and the ways I can communicate my ideas now. 

To the introverts, I want you to know that there is nothing wrong with you, and you will eventually learn how to live in our Extroverted World.